What kind of driver are you?

by
Louise Wise



I’m a placid type of person. Not easily riled. But inside a car I’m a MONSTER! If someone cuts me up, sits on my tail, hesitates too long, I turn in to Mrs Hulk! I wind down the window, stick my head out and yell like a fishwife.


If they are on my behind I flash my fog lights (they think I’m braking and pull back), or I become Driving Miss Daisy and refuse to go above 10 mph.



My husband, in the passenger seat, makes strange hand movements, usually with clenched fists and white knuckles. My particular favourite gesture is when he cowers down in the seat and covers his entire head. So sweet.

But, hey, it isn’t my driving that’s the problem. It’s the others. I’ve compiled a list of road users:


Middle Lane Hoggers: You know the kind, they sit in the middle lane so if you want to overtake you have to move two lanes just to get in front of them. Grrrr

Sunday Drivers: They drive slooooowy, looking at scenery, pointing out things of interest to their passengers and suddenly stopping when they spot a landmark.


Boy Racers: These undertake, cut you up, drive with their music blaring from an open window. Don’t give them eye contact. It’ll make them think you admire them. 


White Van Drivers: These are closely related to Lorry/Truck Drivers. Very arrogant with their large vehicles and their ability to look down on other road users–literally. Overtake them, accidentally or not, and they’ll NEVER forgive you. I watched Duel and, trust me, these things could happen!


Mummy Drivers: These are usually turned the other way with one hand on the stirring wheel the other holding a tissue and wiping snot or vomit from a child on the back seat.


Chick Lit Readers: Perfect.

Get it for 77p or 99c while you can…
A Proper Charlie

A British contemporary romance novel…
jolly good fun!

What happens when prostitutes go missing, and Charlie’s shy boss, Ben Middleton, is a suspect? 


What happens when Charlie pretends to be a hooker for the newspaper story she’s working on, and is “picked up” by Ben? 

What happens when she is abducted and only the handsome Ben knows where she is? 

Poor Charlie, she only wanted recognition. She should’ve stayed home. 

Available in many formats:

Paperback:
http://amzn.to/14JZWEj (full price)
Apple
iStore: http://bit.ly/1d4XaC1




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6 thoughts on “What kind of driver are you?

  1. Ha! That'a another blog post, Patsy. People in hats are a BIG issue especially when they are worn the wrong way round (baseball caps) and with trousers half way down their legs so the arse is showing!

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  2. You missed the nose pickers who think they are invisible behind the wheel…

    those eating or drinking breakfast at the wheel (do not miss rush hour)…

    those on mobile phones! They are my biggest bug as it is illegal and very dangerous.

    Carol
    DizzyC

    Like

  3. The person on my tail- when I'm doing something like respecting speed limits in a residential area- deserves a special place in Hell.

    In the states talking on the phone is legal, but texting is not. It makes me CRAZY to be on the road with such a driver. Aren't there easier ways to get killed?

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  4. Ugh, I drive the speed limit, not because I want to, but because I can't afford the freakin' ticket dude. I hate when cars get up on my ass. It's usually SUVs not to pick. I know the speed limit on the freeway, but is it my fault because I have to break hard because of the traffic ahead of me. For Pete's Sake, can't you slow down?? God was looking out for me the day you almost ass ended me. Just to be fair I hate it when someone slows down to a crawl just to turn. Give me a break…

    Like

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