So you have a blog. Good for you. There’s only one thing I have to say to you. Either write well or delete it. I am so sick of flipping through boring, repetitive blog posts. Really, you’d be better off just letting the poor thing die. Shoot it and relive us all of your misery. No one wants to read about what you ate last night or what little Sally did that was just so cute. Or, worse yet, your sexual exploits. Unless you’re a Kardashian, no one cares, really. Oh, but you like your blog. Fine then. Read these five tips and try to improve it. If you can.
1. You’re boring – Face it, you don’t have a passion for anything. You don’t care about your blog or what you write on it. Wait, you do? Well, that’s a shocker. I had no idea. From reading it I’d have thought you were about as enthusiastic as a wino on his fourth bottle. Don’t be afraid to show your passion then! Pour out your heart, get over-excited, may be sweat a bit as you type so furiously that the words get jumbled up on the page and grammar goes out the window because it’s just so exciting! That’s what I want to read. If you don’t love it, then why should I?
2. You’re stupid – You know nothing, you see nothing, you hear nothing, nothing! Your name is Shultz. You live in a perpetual state of blank numbness where you experience nothing that goes on around you. Better yet, what you do see/hear/feel you have no input on. You get neither aggravated nor elated. That’s not you? Then you do know something! Don’t let pesky things like facts get in your way. You’re not writing for the New York Times. You have a blog. Unless you’re giving medical advice (please don’t) then your opinion won’t kill anyone. Share. Tell. Write.
3. Blah, blah, blah – I’ve read that before. No, really, I have. Unless you’re saying something totally new and off the wall, I don’t need to hear about it again, thank you very much. Don’t be Charlie Brown’s parents. Do not repeat yourself or talk about the same topic all the time. So your blog is based on your love of roses. Shock me. Write about orchids. Or trees! Or fruit! You don’t have to go way out, but no one wants to read the same thing over and over. If you find yourself having a hard time finding a different title for your new post, don’t bother posting it. We’ll all thank you.
4. L a-La Land – Do you live on Mars? Venus? No? Then what is your excuse for this? You haven’t posted in eons and what you do post is boring. Are you just prolonging your poor blog’s misery? When are you going to shoot it? Oh, you can’t think of anything new to write about. You know what? I. Don’t. Care. Write! Just start blabbing. It’ll be stupid and pointless, I’m sure, but at least you’ll have something. If you have even a smidgen of brain power in the giant globe you call a head then you’ll eventually get a grain of truth from all that blather. Pluck it out, clean it up, and post.
5. Pass the buck – You’re a loser. You have no talent. What little you had was wasted on your blog, but it’s all gone now. But you cling desperately to your blog like a codependent ex. Fine. I’ll give you a hint. It starts with g and ends with uest. That’s right, good speller! Guest posts. The lazy, burnt-out writer’s best friend. Have someone else do the work. They’ll even think you’re doing them a service. Of course, you may have to return the favor. Or do other… favors… for them. Hmm. Might want to discuss that before they make you an offer you can’t refuse.
That’s all I’m willing to give to you, you mooch. What, you think advice grows on trees somewhere? Do what I told you and your blog might, I repeat might, survive a few months longer. I’m not responsible for resuscitations, though, so don’t come crying to me when you forget to feed it and it dies. I wash my hands.
Mary Edwards is one of the contributors and editors for dating sites. She is passionate about thought leadership writing, regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting and online dating community. She can be reached at edwardsmary936 AT gmail.com