Proposals by Email.

Dear Agent,
Please find attached my idea for a novel called: Twinned. It’s in PDF because I don’t want you to steal my idea!!! 😦
My mum says it’s brilliant! It is a thriller about a woman who falls for a man who has a twin who is a wanted man. To spice things up the woman also discovers she is a twin (separated at birth), and the sister traces her and falls in love with the criminal twin!!!!
Let me know what you think,
Regards, Sarah

Dear Agent,
Just to let you know I’ve thought of a sequel to Twinned. It’s about the twins marrying one another and going on a life of crime with their twin children. View the attached and let me know what you think ASAP.
Regards, Sarah

Dear Agent,
Forgot to add, the sequel is called Twinned Again.
Sarah.

Dear Agent,
I’m concerned you haven’t contacted me about my ideas for Twinned and Twinned Again that I emailed the other day. I’m sure you can’t be that busy that you can’t press the reply button!!!
Regards, Sarah

Dear Agent,
Why haven’t you replied? It’s very rude. Mum thinks it’s a conspiracy on new authorism or something. Is it?
Regards, Sarah

Dear Agey,
I am getting very worried now. Maybe you haven’t received my novel and it went into spam? I know this can happen because it happens a lot to me 😦 .  Please check your spam box. BTW I’ve changed the genre to romance.
Sarah

Dear Age,
Just in case you have lost Twinned and Twinned Again here is another attachment 😀 !!!!
The opening is a little slow because I have to introduce two sets of twins and their twin off-spring (the criminal twin and his wife have triplets!!!!), but on page ten it’s really good!! Oh, I’ve made the characters older so the children have more to do in the story. Mum thinks it’ll defo be a bestseller now!!!
Best, Sarah

A,
The genre is now an YA. Think I’ll focus on the kids of the story rather than the parents.
Sar.

Yo!
Just to let you know my friends on facebook said they will buy my book once you publish it. Can you tell me when that will be please?
S xx

Hi A,
I’ve wrote the second chapter now and have sent that as attached. It’s copywrited so don’t get any ideas!!!!! This chapter focuses on the triplets. They have taken on their dad’s life of crime, so this one is more thriller than romance. Not sure how it will pan out tbh. ;)Will you get back to me this week? I really, really REALLY need to know what you think before I continue further.
Sxxxxxxxx

A,
Have you replied? If you have I haven’t received it. Can you forward your reply again?
Thanks
S

A,
Disregard the previous email and chapter two. The triplets Jan, Fran and Ann are now boys called Jack, Zach and Mac!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Sar xx.

AGENT
NOT HEARD FROM YOU AS YET!!!! STILL WAITING!!!
SARAH

Dear Mr Agent,
I am thinking about reporting you. This wait (four days and five hours) is outrageous. May I remind you that if it wasn’t for writers like me you’d be out of a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sarah Higgenbottom

Agent,
You aren’t going to reply are you? 😦 😦
People are SO rude!!!!!!!!!!!! I am taking my novel ideas to another agency. This is YOUR loss.
Goodbye
Ms Higgenbottom

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15 thoughts on “Proposals by Email.

  1. I spent a day slogging through a slush pile for a Minneapolis agent. It's amazing! It's true they get stuff like this. Makes you feel better about being on your best written behavior, doesn't it?

    hlmontgomery

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  2. Very clever! Scarily, close to reality, I'm sure. The waiting is the hardest for the writer. The bugging her to death is the most difficult for the agent. Enjoyed it!

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  3. Thank you. It made me giggle writing it actually (should I admit to that?)
    I'd *love* to see some of the letters you agents get… hmmm maybe not!

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  4. You need to be sure these are not all actual quotes from some agent's slush pile and hence covered by copyright, but there again, the agent won't actually have read them, so better thay should see the light of day.

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  5. I really like your blog and i really appreciate the excellent quality content you are posting here for free for your online readers. thanks peace claudia.

    Like

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